I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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