i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
