woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
