I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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