I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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