My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
