Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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