That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
