Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
