have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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