All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
