he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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