God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
