i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
