My friends, they love my intelligence
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
