At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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