is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
