fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
