I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
