We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
