i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
