I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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