When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
