I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hippo gnu deer
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
