Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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