On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
