dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
