They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
