Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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