I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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