Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm like, not good at living.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
