My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
