just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
