Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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