why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
