Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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