We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
