Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The uberlube is also flammable
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
