There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
