There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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