I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
