I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
