i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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