don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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