PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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