I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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