If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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