DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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