Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
