You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
