Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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