even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
