Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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