i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
